It figures. The one day I lug my ponderous, prodigious 2005 laptop to school (with every intention of studying and not writing fanfiction, I swear) the screen finally sells the farm. Actually, the screen is just fine. The bulbs that backlight it are not. They're shot. Shot as shit. Every laptop I've ever owned for the past 10 years has eventually found its way into the scrap heap for this very reason. And for this very reason, I will always have a certain amount of distrust and malcontent toward laptops.

What I need to do is chuck my current OS, steal legally obtain Windows 7, and remote desktop the hell out of that thing. Then I'd never have the need for a laptop ever again. Of course, laptops are nice for things like sitting in bed, propped up by half a dozen pillows, with a mug of hot tea and the lamp on low and good fanfic to read or write.

Quit looking at me like that.

Last night on my way home I ran over a huge dead dog. Or rather, I ran over a pile of bones and biological matter that used to be a huge dog. I couldn't avoid it and I knew my car wouldn't clear, so I just braced myself. From the sound of the impact, I seriously thought my front bumper had cracked and that there'd be a ribbon of auto part intestines trailing from my undercarriage. Upon inspection when I got home, it wasn't so bad; just a smear of blood and fur on the bumper that I'll have to hose off sometime today. I felt bad for running the dead dog over, but I felt even worse for the person who struck it in the first place. You know there had to be a couple hundred dollars' worth of damage to the front of their vehicle. I wish people would keep their pets secured at night. Then everyone wins.

I've been working on a music video last week, and I just completed it Thursday. It seems that the more spontaneous my video ideas, the more likely they are of being completed before any of the others. In any case, I've now come to the knuckle-chewing point of applying codecs, compression, and trying to find something compatible with Vimeo's flea-fucking media formats that don't include FLV. Hopefully I can get this figured out.

Nothing else worth mentioning thus far. I hope I can get some time to write this evening. I really need to get this latest chapter of A Man Worth Following completed. I'm long overdue for an update.

I don't know why I continue to patronize large fanfiction/fanart archives. Sometimes I just get sick of conforming to the long queue of flea-fucking guidelines they put forth in order to cover their asses thanks to the litigious society we live in. I think we can all agree that Y!Gallery is the worst when it comes to cracking the whip for every little nuance that doesn't comply with their exhaustive list of THOU SHALL NOTs. I'm considering pulling out of every archive site I'm a member of and just putting up links directing viewers to my domain.

"Hey, Bender, you ego-bloated asshole. Why don't you put your money where your mouth is and just do it?"

Exposure. Pure and simple. In order to make a name for yourself in the world of fandom, you've got to throw yourself into the mosh. The loathsome, appalling, and sometimes hellish mosh. And maybe, just maybe, you might be lucky enough to ride the crowd once in a while.

I mean, isn't that what people really want out of life, when you get down to it? Recognition and respect for their craft? Exposure is a big part of that: spreading yourself out. Whoring Marketing yourself and your talents. It's basic business strategy. Everybody I know on the internet is involved in their own entrepreneur ventures, whether it's selling their names via fandoms or selling goods and services. There's a reason why my LJ is subtitled "Killing for Recognition", folks (and it's not just because I'm a Radiohead fan).

I don't know. I think it might just be my resentment of authority in general.

I've been writing fanfiction for going on 15 years now. (I know it's appalling but I can't help it.) I've been involved in online fiction for 9 years, and I've been a slash fan for 13. In that period of time I've read a few very good stories and a lot of truly godawful stories. I feel that I have earned the right to put forth a long-standing observation that, I can assure you, is as non-biased as I can make it:

Slash fanfiction, with the exception of a small percentage (and most of it being in the anime genre; sorry, Naruto fans), tends to be well-written, thought-out, and astoundingly superior to heterosexual fanfiction.

My theory? Brain development. Hear me out. Slash fans tend to be older (although the trend is quickly changing thanks to the porny ways of internet), and understandably have a better grasp of basic writing mechanics. Creatively speaking, I believe that slash fans tend to use a larger percentage of their brains when writing. Here's why I think so: writing slash is, when you're trying to keep it as canon as possible, something of a puzzle. The author must sit down and try to figure out some way to get those two characters together, often resorting to some very imaginative methods (or not-so-imaginative, if you're in a fandom that's screaming "GAAAAY!" at the top of its lungs). But to pull off a nearly-canon slash story, research and/or attention to details is essential.

A thorough slash author will immerse him- or herself in the fandom, study the characters, the dialogue, learn everything there is to be learned, and try to find a loophole (or gloryhole, whichever you prefer). It's detective work, Watson. They're looking for homoclues.

Het writers, on the other hand (and I'm making a generalization here), often insert an original character directly into the storyline (who usually has little or nothing to do with the canon fandom thema), therefore bypassing the whole educational section of the writing process. I equate it with writing a biography on a person you've never met. Their sole focus seems to be upon gratifying a self-indulgent fantasy (that goes for you too, RP slashers). The only creativity to be found in the story is attached to the OC who, unfortunately, becomes the singular focus of the entire thing and pushes the canon characters to the side, where they become supporting actors to an otherwise egocentric sample of literature.

Is it vanity? Are het writers naturally more prone to self-inserts? Are slash fans more loyal because of their love for the characters instead of the OCs that mirror themselves? Is it cerebral maturity? Do you think there's a correlation between intelligence/lack thereof and slash writers?

What are your thoughts?

Mine eyes have seen the horror of the coming of the End
The Apocalypse is dawning as the flames of Hell ascend
The Beast will rear his ugly head and then he'll eat your friends
Repent or you'll be doomed!

Glory, glory Armageddon!
Glory, glory Armageddon!
Glory, glory Armageddon!
The Devil marches on!

In the course of writing Wedlocked, I've inadvertently created a mini-universe engendered of the place known fondly as Hell, and filled it with as much parodying, satire and smartassery as possible. It's one of the few original concepts that I've taken to a new level, and perhaps the deepest spectrum of creativity I've ever put into an original idea. There's a whole realm of mythology and politics and traditions and "values" and I'm immensely proud of the whole thing. I hope that one day I'll be able to turn this concept into something concrete, and perhaps base my first original literary attempt off of it. It'll either be a hit or the Catholic community will sic the Pope on me.

This latest fic I'm working on, as ridiculous as the title sounds (which might make you think it's just another one of my satire-drenched dark comedies), is turning out to be some of the best creative writing I've done. (Aside from my attempt at 19th century style in my 19th century era Van Helsing fanfic, Father.) In any case, I'm inviting you to read and critique it.

Aside from its deliberate parodying of the film starring Samuel L. Jackson and Christina Ricci, there's no reason why I shouldn't change the title—currently Black Heart Moan—to something original. After all, the setting, characters and plot are different from the movie's, but the basic soul of the story still remains: redemption of the unwilling through sheer force of spirit. Plus I want people to know the similarities were intentional and parodic instead of thinking I'm dry out of ideas—which I'm not. I'm intrigued by stories whose plots involve a drastic change in their characters, evidence by my other Ghost Rider centric fic, Hearts of Fire, in which hate turns into love and demons turn into angels and Antichrists become little sisters, I just eat that shit up. It's what makes a story move, that change. There's nothing I hate more than a character who ends the same way as he or she started. What good was the story then? It might as well have never happened, because in reality, every little thing we do changes us. I don't want to get too philosophical, but you get the picture.

I wish I loved my original characters enough to be inspired by them. I'd be writing novels by now.

Some time ago I caught Black Snake Moan on TV and I actually enjoyed it. It was a good story with symbology to boot (my favorite). Too bad it wasn't a book or I might have loved it. In any case, over the course of the months that passed I fantasized about a parody, since that's the principal function of my brain. My newest fandom fit the bill and won the bid, and last night I wrote the intro while the internet was down. This latest concoction in my queue of Ghost Rider crimes I dub Black Heart Moan. If the title makes you facepalm in utter despair, give me a second chance. It's not as bad as it sounds and I'm working really hard on perfecting (heh, I said 'hard on') my creative narrative. Please give it a read if you like (it's not much yet, though) and tell me your thoughts.

I've been so damned busy for the past two months I've barely had a chance to think an un-school/work related thought, let alone work on art or fiction. (And I haven't updated Wedlocked in over a month. Please punch me in the throat.)

I've got a final coming up this Wednesday (I have the highest grade in my German class, hu hu hu...but then again there's only three people in it) and another one the week after. And then I'll be free for the summer. I've got so much to do... In fact, if you look on my website (or below this entry if you're at my website) you'll see my current To Do List. It hasn't changed since I put it up.  (Another throat-punch please.)

Seriously. This shit's gotta stop. The cut-and-paste garbage. The "I'm a ___ so I must be ___" and the weepy "I told my priest I was a necrophiliac who masturbates to bestiality and child porn and now he said I'm gonna burn in Hell, SYMPATHIZE WITH ME PLZ OK THX" and the quotes made by you and your friends that only you find funny and the rest of us just think you're dumb as a fucking stump. If you're a FF.net user and you've got a working brain in your head, abandon ship, grow a dick (or tits, whatever) and give up the epic 15-scrolls-to-get-through-your-profile nonsense. As for the rest of the losers, just give me time. I'll have some quotes for you to choke on. The lawnmower is officially out of the shed.

And now for the Happy News!

This past weekend I found my GameBoy Color and my old Pokemon Red cartridge, still unfinished. I bet I haven't touched the game since I was a teenager. It's amazing. Three whole colors! And that's why they call it GameBoy Color.

It is going to take me a long time to construct my new domain layout. But it's going to be so damned awesome that it'll be worth it. I've already incorporated an RSS feed of my LJ to be on the main page, so it'll actually look a bit more occupied than a haunted house. I'm still working on getting graphical design ideas pooled, so I haven't even had time to worry about things like a) how I'm going to archive my fics from every fandom, b) how I'm going to archive my art, and c) provide some sort of commenting system where people can leave feedback. I'm thinking about forgetting c though, since it sounds like a recipe for spam-related disaster.

I've been getting comments from people about bringing back my Ronin Warriors fansite. It's going to be a huge task, but I promise that it'll get taken care of. I'm going to need to pull out HTML files from 2002 and vigorously fix the fuck out of them, since those were the days of Frontpage and a Bender who didn't care about sloppy webpage anatomy. Seriously, Dreamweaver is a godsend. I can't imagine trying to create my new site in MS Expression.

Personal life? Not much happening. I mean it. I've been so busy with homework and being sick this past month that I haven't touched any of my fics. And with this website business distracting me, I'm beginning to get that what-if-this-story-becomes-like-all-the-others-I-haven't-finished anxiety. I feel like I'm standing on the side of the road and watching the last bus to Vegas slowly pull away, and I want to run after it but my left hand is cuffed to the busstop bench and I've got a hacksaw in my right hand . . . get the picture?