There's a time and a place for everything. But the patrons and owners of local pizza restaurants have never heard that expression.

If any of you didn't spend the early 90s as a drooling toddler, you'll probably remember Boys II Men's I'll Make Love to You, which hit #1 on the charts and was played nonstop for years on every soft pop radio station alongside The Real McCoys and Ace of Base. You can't have lived through 1994 and not heard that gag-inducing piece of shit. It's a song that a delusional woman would make her suffering boyfriend play over and over on every date if he ever expected to get any. And it's the last song you wanna hear on the ultra-loud jukebox at Pizza Hut when you're having dinner with your parents. I was so fucking embarrassed that I actually faked a coughing fit during the worst parts of the song. If I could go back in time to that moment, I'd stand up at the table and scream, "WHO THE FUCK PUT THIS SONG IN!? I DON'T WANNA HEAR ABOUT PEOPLE HAVING SEX WHILE I'M EATING!" Bender 1, Pizza Hut 0.

And then there was the incident at Mazzio's (damn we ate a lot of pizza back then), where the manager thought it would be a swell idea to put in a copy of the newly-released Dances With Wolves and play it on the big screen TV in the corner of the restaurant. Well, our dinnertime just happened to coincide with the part where Kevin Costner takes down a buffalo and eats its hot, raw, bloody heart. Manager Moron, who later was imprisoned for putting toilet cams in the ladies bathroom, had to come out and fast forward through that part or else spend the rest of the night cleaning puke off of the floor. I think I did my very first headtable then. I was only 11 then, but already I had a clear grasp of the sheer fucking gut-wrenching stupidity that was the majority of mankind. Luckily we left the restaurant before the sex scene came up. I wonder how the manager dealt with that one.

Any tales of woe and facepalm from your past?

I never realized what a big fan I'd become of Stephen King until today, when I picked up a fat paperback of short stories at the store. This recent fanship is something I've acquired over the past year or so; I think it may have been The Mist that set it off since I keep coming back to reread it. I admire King's storytelling narrative and the seemingly trivial descriptions that in the end lend so much to the moods he creates. I know King's not for everybody, but his stuff really speaks to me. I find myself attempting to emulate his storytelling style in my own fiction, and maybe one day find the right formula for success in the process.

Another thing that puts King high on my Win list is his scathing remark about Stephenie Meyer's writing skills (or lack of them). HAHA.

Anyway. The first story I read in this new book I got, and coincidentally the first story listed, was Dolan's Cadillac. I confess with some amount of shame that I would have gone for this story regardless of its placement because of the upcoming film adaptation starring Wes Bentley, who has more or less become my patron saint of writing. (Why? I don't know. But there is an eerie relationship between my recent Ghost Rider fanship, which resulted in my fascination with Bentley, which happened to coincide with my Stephen King fanship, which happened to result in a lot of dark fiction starring Blackheart. There's a pattern emerging but, as usual, I can't see it.)

In any case, I'm a little worried that Dolan's Cadillac will end up as big a flop as The Mist. (I've already read the reviews and they aren't kind.) I can't really picture Bentley playing the balding 40-something Robinson, nor can I picture the director(s) being able to portray the degree of suffering for the sake of revenge and the psychology of obsession. I guess this is why book-to-film adaptations rarely get it right. I'm also worried about Wes these days. He seems to be doing a lot of low-grade horror-porn type flicks or weird indie-type stuff that doesn't even make it to theaters. I get this sick feeling in my stomach whenever I look at him, and that makes me wonder.

Last night I had the good fortune of catching Neil Gaiman's Stardust on one of the movie channels. I was iffy about it at first, but by the end it had woven itself into a very charming story filled with fantastic characters. The plot seemed a bit hurried (naturally, seeing as how it's impossible to cram every literary detail into 120 minutes) , and I know that films rarely do their books justice, so I'm planning to add Stardust to my To Read List. There's always room on my bookshelf for one more fairy tale. They're my favorite.

Last night I caught the 1989 version of Henry V on the tube (not that I know of any other version). I think Kenneth Branagh did a fine acting job, but what surprised me most was that he was not only the director, but one of the writers. A regular one-man band. Huge respect for any man adapting Shakespeare. Well done, Mr Branagh. For the late 80s, the quality of this film was excellent, even rivaling historic dramas that came 10 years later. The Battle of Agincourt was amazing (and not necessarily from a film perspective, either).

And I totally recognized 15 year-old Christian Bale who played the monumental part of THE BOY, right within the first two seconds of seeing him. The guy hasn't had a different haircut in at least 25 years and he was born with the voice he currently has. He's one of those rare people who looks exactly like he did as a kid, just now in full-size mode. A chibi-morph. I was snrrking during the whole movie.

Having never read Henry V, I was also amused to hear quotes that I recognized, particularly Colony 5's Band of Brothers. I was able to finish the quote along with the actor, which amounted to some personal epicness on my part, I thought.

Another entertaining bit of interest I discovered was that Saints Crispin and Crispinian are the patron saints of cobblers, tanners, and bikers. LOL wut?

Some time ago I caught Black Snake Moan on TV and I actually enjoyed it. It was a good story with symbology to boot (my favorite). Too bad it wasn't a book or I might have loved it. In any case, over the course of the months that passed I fantasized about a parody, since that's the principal function of my brain. My newest fandom fit the bill and won the bid, and last night I wrote the intro while the internet was down. This latest concoction in my queue of Ghost Rider crimes I dub Black Heart Moan. If the title makes you facepalm in utter despair, give me a second chance. It's not as bad as it sounds and I'm working really hard on perfecting (heh, I said 'hard on') my creative narrative. Please give it a read if you like (it's not much yet, though) and tell me your thoughts.

Everybody knows two things: 1) A movie is never as good as the literature upon which it is based, and 2) A movie's sequel never does as well as its predecessor.

It seems like the producers are going from consideration to commencement with Ghost Rider 2, which sends waves of horror rippling through every fiber of my pink mortal guts. The first Ghost Rider was mildly entertaining at best. And I'm a fan. There was no character development, it lacked a solid storyline, the plot had more holes than Blackburn, Lancashire, and I firmly believe that the only reason a copy of the screenplay cannot be obtained from the internet is because Mark Steven Johnson, who couldn't write directions out of a cardboard box, is trying to cover up his hack-and-slash job of mangling the putrid puddle of pus he'd already offered up as a screenplay.

Yeah, those are harsh words. But I believe I'm justified in my convictions. Ghost Rider could have been an epic movie of pure yes, but it wasn't. And I know that Johnson had a hand in selling the film short of its potential. A lot of people did, including the actors themselves. It was dumbed down and raped from its comic form, washed, wrung, hung to dry, and translated into a tangled jumble of CG-garbage. While I enjoy the movie for my own sick intents and purposes, I don't approve of what was done in order to bring one of the coolest Marvel legends to the masses.

Bottom line: It could have been done better. A lot better.

I dread the even bigger flop that GR2 will bring. It makes me sick just to think of it. I can't imaging fucking up GR more than it's already been fucked, but unlike most of the GR filmmakers, I've got an imagination and the things I'm seeing scare the shit out of me. Unless Johnson took a hike, had an epiphany, or learned to write those directions out of that cardboard box, my hopes are living downstairs with Satan. (Who says that if Hell gets anymore bad rep that he'll unleash Armageddon three years early.)

Vimeo, I've discovered, is superior to YouTube, and as far as uploading capabilities is concerned, is a lot more extensive. Tons of codec options, lots of acceptable file types (except for .flv, but they're getting to it) and looser copyright restrictions. I don't think Vimeo will ever get as big as YouTube, but it's nothing to sneer at. Smaller enterprises means more personal service, and if you post a question in the forum it'll actually get answered by a mod. Holy crêpes!

I'm getting a streaming web radio station set up. Actually, it's already set up, but I need to work on getting a large selection of music in it. My friend, who is an actual radio disc jockey, helped me with that. I think I'm going to call it HaloRadio, and it'll be a hard rock/metal/industrial/synth format. Lots of Judas Priest, Rammstein and Misfits. I'll get a link posted when I work out the kinks.

For once, I was able to watch a movie without the desire to slash it at all--it was perfect just the way it was.

( Look, I drew something just for the occasion. )

Stranger Than Fiction. Great movie. Any author, fanfiction or original or whatever, can appreciate this movie. 

Funny thing, I'm always interested in how writers are portrayed by Hollywood as having nervous disorders, drug addictions (usually alcohol), social anxiety, incredible genius, being totally introverted, and still using typewriters in this day and age. Has this become a stereotype or generalization of how the world sees writers? I believe so. But then again, many of us writers have not yet been published, and therefore not subjected to the stressful environment that may or may not act as a catalyst for these behaviors. So maybe there is some legitimacy behind this "writer stereotype". Who knows. I hope to find out one day.

Nothing like a good movie to stimulate your writing ambitions...one that wasn't written by Stephen King.

I just got back from the Kino in Bad Godesberg where I saw Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix. It was sweet. I'm no slash-whoring Potterphile, but I definitely saw the potential with Sirius and Remus and--of all things--Snape and Harry. Seeing a movie really made me feel at home. It was comforting. And the German audiences were so much more considerate and quiet than American audiences. Nobody said a word during the whole film, there were no "Please remember to turn off your cell phones" warnings before the film started (because they don't need them here, you see), the theatre was the fucking cleanest one I've ever been to IN MY LIFE, and it was overall one of the best movie-going experiences I've had. 

Germany gets 5 pelvic thrusts for its entertainment facilities.